4 Signs of a Cheesy Church Website

The subtitle of this post is: “This is what it feels like when Doves Cry”

  1. The Bible is rich with metaphors, but that doesn’t mean you need to visually represent them all on your homepage. Example: A lion laying down with a lamb while a dove flies gracefully overhead with an olive branch in its mouth in front of a rainbow next to Jesus coming in the clouds while graves below are bursting open with souls flying toward Him during the rapture. Next to that is a river with a man fishing for men with a floating axe head as a bobber.
  2. Midi music. That piercing old school Nintendo music set to such classics as “Amazing Grace” or “Give Me That Old Time Religion”.  If you happen to be browsing for churches from work you will need to scramble to find the volume before you are “outed” to your co-workers as “Church-guy.”
  3. A flash splash page (preferable purple and gold).  You’ve seen these annoying intros to websites, but on a church website they are equivalent to an over-aggressive door greeting insisting to show first time visitors to your church a bit of razzle dazzle before they can enter.
  4. Stained glass. If you want to send a clear message to your community that you are not one of those hipster churches you will need to cover your website with stained glass.

Can you think of anything else I left off?